Rantings of a Work Wife

I'm not pro-marriage or against it. Which sounds weird coming from a married woman I'm sure. I'm just all about healthy relationships. The person you choose should be as good for you as you are for them. A man and a woman could live together for years without a marriage certificate, build a home, raise children and whether they "make it official" they are living a shared life. The men in that type of situation who claim "they are not ready for marriage" don't realize they are already in the thick of it. If they decided to part, the separation won't be any easier because they didn't legalize it. They have mortgages, child car pool responsibilities, bills, and social affiliations. That fool is neither single nor unattached whether they had the party or not. And there are people who marry but truly lead separate lives. Separate apartments, separate bills, separate lovers. All I want is a truly healthy relationship, where we both work hard for shared goals and enjoy some leisure time in between. It's so simple to say but so hard to achieve.

1. Mistakes will be made. Learn from them and move on.
2. I enjoy wearing nice clothing and going nice places.
3. You should give people their flowers while they are alive to smell them.
4. A lady should never have sex for revenge or spite, it won't make you feel better, only worst.
5. Maturing is the natural progression of aging. I will grow old with dignity and grace.
6. Never buy shoes that don't fit, even if they are cute.
7. I will smile in the face of adversity
8. I will use my influence on others responsibly.
9. Life Insurance is actually Death Insurance.
10. A life without love ain't living at all.

Despite it all.
Guess what? I'm a hopeless romantic. I hope everyone gets to fall head over heels at least once in their adult life. It feels soooooooo good!

Often woman are given grief when they break up with a guy. Everyone has a list of why she couldn’t “keep” her man. But did you ever think perhaps she didn’t WANT to keep him? Maybe he was just an experiment or she tried him out for a while and realized this guy just wasn’t a good fit. Sometimes woman should be congratulated when they drop a guy. Not chastised for not being able to keep him. Some dudes ain’t worth keeping.

It's 2009 and women living in the United States of America are still an oppressed people. It was my understanding that the Feminist movement was all about a woman's right to choose what she wanted out of life. But yet it still seems like there is this long list of shoulds looming over the heads of woman today. You should get married. You should have children. You should climb the corporate ladder. You should stay at home with the kids. You should be thin. You should dress fashionably. You should be an excellent cook. You should be a home owner. You should know how to change a tire. And the shoulds go on and on. But the truth is woman don't fit into one mold and what equals success for one woman is not success for another.

I'm curious to know where these should messages originate from? Is it just that when there is a lag in a conversation people choose to harp on the one item they think you are lacking. Isn't it in poor taste to push your ideas on someone who otherwise might be happy with their position in life?
Why is it okay to say to a stay-at-home Mom, "You ever think about going back to school to do something with your life?" If her husband and children are prospering than she is doing something with her life.

Why is it okay to say to a single woman who is a business owner or executive, "When are you going to take some time off to get married and have a baby?" Is the assumption that all woman feel incomplete if they aren't looking after a man and children? It downplays the accomplishments and advancements this woman has made in her career.

Why is it okay to ask a working mother, like myself, "How can you leave your kids all day?" Is the assumption that a good Mom spends every waking moment with her children. Earning money to care for the children's needs is also important and necessary.

I really dislike the way these shoulds separate woman and pit them against one another. The single Moms don't associate with the married Moms. Women without formal education shy away from associating with college graduates. Life takes us on many twists and turns and before you know it you could be in the position you once judged. Everyone has a point of view and something to contribute to society. Let's try to stop saddling woman with a long list of shoulds and celebrate our individual accomplishments.

Thanks to technology there are so many ways to stay in touch. I almost think there are too many ways to keep in touch. Cell phones are our personal little computers. You can talk to almost everybody you know at almost any time of the day. Social networks, instant messenger, chat rooms, and..... remember emails? These all great ways to to stay in touch with your siblings, your best friends, work affiliates, and acquaintances. But when it comes to your significant other it's best if you take your romance offline. Instead of myspace, romance him face to face.
So much can be misconstrued and lost in translation when the majority of your communication is online. Also, what will you talk about when you finally do see each other at the end of a long day if you've been IMing, tweeting, and texting ALL DAY. An "I love you" text or something racier might be good foreplay to keep your love life exciting but unless your in a long distance relationship that should be the extent of it. After all this person wakes up beside you and sees you at your best and worst. They aren't dating your carefully crafted online persona. They know the real you, who always burns the toast, & leaves wet towels in the floor.
If your relationship is just in it's beginning stages you want this person to fall in love with the real you, not a series of witty online quips. Too much availability during a budding romance can make it crash and burn. In this era it's impossible not to google your new beau. But I highly recommend getting to know a potential mate in person, because that is whom you will be spending your time with.

The old do unto others as you would want done to you does NOT apply in marriage because wives and husbands are different genders and different things make them happy. That sounds like common sense right? But Work Wife had it all twisted y'all. When it came to doing things to please my husband I would think, if I had a wife I would want her to do this, this, and this. I set up my marital priorities based on what I would want from my wife. But the error in my thought process was that I don't have a wife, I have a husband. If you want to please your man, you need only to go to the source. We hear it all the time and it has become cliche but men and woman are sooooooooo different and given the option a man will tell you exactly what he wants and how he wants it.